Ahh… the great Americuhn utility company. I’m sure everyone has at one time or another had to deal with the ridiculous customer (lack of) service from their local utility company. I have had several rather negative experiences myself, but never anything quite this bad. It all started when I arrived at my apartment at 5:30 PM to find a note tacked to my door.

“Regrettably it is necessary to disconnect your electric service at this time. Please contact our office at your earliest convenience so that we may arrange to reconnect your service.”

My reaction: What the fuck?

Throughout the next 6+ hours I went through all 5 stages of the grieving process as described here.

Step 1: Denial and Isolation.

 At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.

At first, I didn’t believe that my power was actually turned off. I mean really…how on earth could someone take away something as vital as ELECTRICITY—especially in the middle of December? But, sure enough, after I flipped my light switch and nothing happened I had no other recourse than to suddenly dive right into step 2.

Step 2: Anger.

The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.

Boy was I angry at the company that inflicted my hurt! The especially infuriating part was that the stupidity of the actual note:

“For your convenience, we accept VISA, MasterCard, and Discover and automated checks through a third party vendor for payment. If these payment options meet your needs, please call us at our local Duke Energy telephone number listed in your directory with your credit card or check information.”

 

Oh really? You can’t just put the fucking number for me right on the note? Hey, I’ve got an idea…how about you replace the idiotic “Service Address” line on the note with a place to write down the god damned phone number? Do I really need a copy of my address on the note? Oh uhm gee, I managed to find my fucking way to my fucking door and find the fucking note on it, thank god there was a fucking address written on the note-- otherwise I’d have no fucking clue that it was for me. I wouldn’t be able to correlate the lack of electricity with the note on my door…har har har.

As stupid as that was, it was still alright. I take out my “local directory” and find Duke Energy listed there. I get out my cellphone and dial the number. “Ring…Ring…Bee-loo-dee…I’m sorry, the number you have dialed has been disconnected.”

Ah, lovely.

Luckily I have a smartphone with Internet access, so I manage to access the Duke Energy website. Unluckily their website makes it impossible to find any sort of contact information on a smartphone screen; after searching for half an hour I gave up and called a friend to help.

While accessing my account online I discovered that apparently the automatic bank account drafting I had setup did not work. Oh, of course all of my bank account information was right in there. (Not to mention my credit card info). But there was absolutely no fucking way for Duke Energy to figure out how to charge me.

With the help of my friend I made a manual online payment (I owed them $118.23). I also paid an extra $77.25 fee to get my power reconnected that night. I also got Duke Energy’s contact number—I figured I would give them a call and find out what was going on. Little did I know that this would lead to step 3.

Step 3: Bargaining.

Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"

Of course the electric company isn’t God, they just pretend they are. I always feel bad about yelling at people on the phone since they aren’t the ones who did anything to cause whatever I’m pissed off about, but I had a couple of questions for the customer service person. If someone was able to come to my door to place a note on it that my power had been disconnected…why not place a note the day before WARNING me? Hell, why not give me a fucking phone call as soon as the due date had passed and they didn’t receive a payment? Why not send me an e-mail? I already get their bullshit spam…how about a useful e-mail with the subject “YOUR POWER WILL BE DISCONNECTED?”

The customer service lady responded with, “We had sent you notifications in the mail.” I asked her WHAT notifications, to which she replied “On your bill, you will see a past due date.” Now… I have had automatic bank drafting setup for other payments—like my car payment. The way it works with BB&T, once the due date comes and I hadn’t manually made a payment…they just take the money off of my credit card. I know—amazing to even think that someone with your credit card/bank account information would use that information to charge you for the money you owe them.

After arguing about the lack of customer care that Duke Energy shows for its clients, I didn’t care to waste my cell phone battery anymore. I asked her when my power would be turned on. She replied, “Before midnight, but usually much sooner than that.” I looked at my watch and it was 7: 30PM.

I waited for an hour, ranting to my friends on the phone about the ridiculous situation. Then I called back to see if I could get a status update. This time the person notified me that I need to make sure to turn off my “main circuit breaker” or otherwise my power would not be reconnected. “How the hell am I supposed to know when the power comes back on if my breaker is off?”

She gave me a phone number I can conveniently dial at my convenience as  conveniently often as I conveniently want to and they will tell me if my power has been turned on yet! Oh, did I mention “convenient” yet? But, before I could even rant about the stupidity of this program (hmm, how about an automated dialer calls ME when my power is on?) another problem reared its ugly head…

I live in an apartment and my breaker box does not have a MAIN breaker for my apartment. I told her and she responded with, “Well, you better call your maintenance department and have them access your apartment’s main breaker through the building's breaker box.”

Suddenly I saw my hopes for an illuminated life in the 21st century fading away. Of course my maintenance department was closed…I call back Duke Energy and plead my case with another customer service rep.

“What if I turn off all the breakers I can in my apartment?”

“Well, if the technician arrives and after reconnecting you he finds that something is drawing current, he will disconnect your power again.”

“Why would he do that?”

“Well, it’s a safety precaution. Just in case you have something on your stove when the power reconnects; it could start a fire.”

“But I’m at home…I think I would notice if something started to catch on fire in my apartment.”

“Well, you don’t have to be home. You don’t need to be home for the technician to reconnect you.”

“Yeah, but I WILL be home. So please reconnect my power even if there is something that is drawing current, I will take full responsibility if my apartment burns up.”

“No I’m sorry, we can’t do that. There could be a power surge which damages your electronic equipment.”

[Now…that argument almost makes sense. Except that this guy just told me the technician would first reconnect me, and the re-disconnnect me if anything drew a current.]

 

“So, what you are saying is that once the technician arrives, reconnects my power, a power surge will come through and destroy all of my expensive electrical equipment. The technician, noticing that something was drawing current, will then disconnect my power again for my own safety? So...I’m still going to be sitting in the fucking dark, except now all my shit will be broken.”

“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to not use profanity.”

And then he hangs up…

After I call back, flip all of my breakers to OFF, and go sit in my car to recharge my cell phone I drift into step 4.

Step 4: Depression.

The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.

By now it is 10: 30PM—five hours since I got home. There is absolutely nothing I can do. I tried calling the number which is supposed to tell me whether or not my power had been restored…but apparently it only works if you have a land line. I use my cellphone for everything and have no landline, or power. Sure, it would make sense to allow customers to find if they have power based on some other account information other than the phone number from which they are calling…but who am I to offer suggestions to the mighty and glorious Duke Energy?

I try calling them several more times and finally get through to someone who says they can accelerate the priority of my service request. By now its 11:30 and I have arrived at the fifth and final step.

Step 5: Acceptance.

This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.

Okay, I give up. It’s 11:50 PM and I am still without power. There is absolutely nothing I can do. The power company can give electricity to whoever they want, and they can take it away if they feel like it. It’s as simple as that.

Finally the technician gets there at 11:52 PM and at 11:57 I switch my breakers to ON and find out I have power again…woohoo…

How convenient, they say they will reconnect my power just in time for me to go to sleep and wake up and go to work the next day and they do! What a wonderful company Duke Energy is!

If anything, this experience has taught me that I hate the electric company and look forward to getting off the grid as soon as I can.